
Well, this is the second Valentine's Day in a row that I have been away from Susan - it has been over a year since I left home and sadly I have missed a lot of holidays with her. It has been a difficult year for both of us and hard on our relationship, but amazingly, through the good times and the bad times, we have stayed strong the whole way through. Today, on the holiday most closely affiliated with Love, I want to recognize my biggest supporter of all and show you just how much I love her. There have been many who have supported me in great ways that have been fantastic, but no one has done anywhere near what Susan has. Allow me to bring you through our journey together through a year in Iraq that is nearly coming to a close.
Susan and I met about two years before my deployment. We became good friends after I subletted

an apartment in the same house as her. For various reasons, the time was not right for us to begin dating, but we developed a close friendship and had a great deal of fun together. In the Fall of 2004, I was preparing for this deployment and timing couldn't have been worse for us to even consider taking our friendship into this stage. I had considered the possibility of it on a few occasions, but I knew the chances of a fledgling relationship making it through a deployment were incredibly small, so I didn't attempt to start anything.
Finally, after Christmas I left home and began my deployment just a few minutes from Susan's parents house. She happened to be home even though she was supposed to have been far away, so my first night there I invited her over to the hotel my unit was staying at, and we had a long

talk about life in general while cuddled up together. At some point in the night, I for some strange reason asked her, "Why have we never dated?" Neither of us really knew what was happening, but before my normally-rational brain had a chance to stop me, I kissed her. I am not sure if she was totally surprised by this - I am glad she liked it, though, and kissed me back. :) We had a long night talking that night (and maybe exchanging a few more kisses.)
I left out something very important here originally. That night, I told Susan that I loved her and told her about my feelings for her. She told me she loved me, as well. Knowing I loved her... She told me she wanted to wait for me. I was very excited, but at the same time very hesitant for several reasons. I didn't know what to say, so I took a few days to think and pray about things.
For the next 6 days, I was staying near Susan's hometown, and she spent a lot of time with me. She was hoping I would jump at the chance to have her wait for me, but I was very concerned - not over trusting her or anything like that at all, but because I knew the stress would be horrible for her and I didn't want to put her through what I knew was going to be a really not-fun 14 months. To her dismay, it took me several days to make my decision. I finally told her that I loved her and I wanted her to wait for me, and I was not willing to risk losing her by telling her no. I knew right then, that if we could make it through something this long and difficult, we could make it through anything. And I certainly knew we would have help, from friends, family and most importantly from God. Amazingly, that was our start - 6 days together, and for two of those days she was far away. Crazy, huh? How in the world did we survive a deployment - one that has been the demise of many strong relationships in my company?
I left for Ft. Dix, NJ just a couple days after I told her yes - this was the easy part. I had a cell phone, so we were able to talk nearly every day for the two months I was there in New Jersey. We had a family day at the end before I left

for Kuwait, so I flew Susan in from a lacrosse tournament (she was the trainer for the U of M lacrosse team) in Arizona and we spent about 24 hours together before I had to fly half way around the world to Kuwait. Amazing looking back on how little time we had together.
Meanwhile, Susan and I were developing our relationship, using the foundation of a great friendship as our base in combination with a great relationship with God. We prayed together and read a few books together that enhanced our Spiritual relationship greatly. We read a fantastic book about marriage and started our first steps toward our future marriage together. It was a great way for us to grow together, and I would say without it, we would never have lasted. At the beginning of summer 2005, Susan made a choice to put her life on hold for me. As if she wasn't already giving up enough, Susan decided not to move out to the East Coast like she had planned. She sacrificed so much in this one move - all for our relationship. I cannot stress how big of a move this was - I seriously doubt we would have been able to hold our relationship together if

she had taken a full time job on the East Coast. She knew (as I did) that we were worth sacrificing so much for, that we were going to make it through this and we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.
This started a tough time for her - she had to move home, away from her friends, and away from the comforts of working a full time job in order to maintain our relationship. She started classes and worked part time, working around my schedule as best she could so we could have plenty of time for communications. She worked so hard to support me - sending me yummy foods, games, books, letters, emails, and lots of pictures. Her constant support helped me through the tough days, and made the easy days even easier. She gave up many long hours of time for me on the phone and on Instant Messenger. Over the next many months, she put up with weird hours from me, a stressful schedule and life of her own, and the pressures of a long wait for me to come home. Not to mention, just putting up with me in general.
I came home on leave for two weeks in July, but this was far too short. I think in retrospect, it made

things harder (for her especially) because our time together was so wonderful. July was early in my deployment, so the end seemed to far away. As soon as I returned back to Iraq, I was placed on the road and my life went from low gear to light speed in a matter of days. Again, Susan stuck through the weird changes in my day as missions came up at the last minute and ruined planned time together. She delt with the stress of knowing I was in far greater danger than I had been before and handled it all admirably. She readjusted her own schedule on many occasions to fit mine as best she could. She continued to send me all kinds of encouragement in any form she could, but she was suffering badly at home. For the last 6 months, life has been very difficult on her due to me being here. I mentioned before I didn't want to put her through the hardship of a deployment, and it was this part of the deployment that I was talking about. The days and weeks dragged on, and her life at home was far from easy. Far away from friends, stuck in a class that is anything but fulfilling or challenging, and living on nearly no income, she fought through each day.
The stress on both her and I brought out hard times for us - the occasional fight, bad days, and

the wear of being far away seemed ready to crush us at any moment. Our Spiritual relationship was suffering as well, I had moved to a new camp and the phone situation went drastically downhill, so we were not able to talk anywhere near as much. This has been a terrible thing for us, making our individual lives and our relationship more difficult. We also discovered a very strange phenomenon - being far apart for so long almost makes the other person imaginary - it is a really weird concept unless you have been in the situation, but talking on the phone and through Instant Messenger can only give you so much in a relationship. All I think about is holding her and telling her everything will be ok, but without that simple, every day thing for most couples, life gets very difficult very quick. The memories of the good times fade every once in a while, making it even harder to hold on to the good times promised in the future. I can understand why many couples give up during these months - without God's blessing and hand on a relationship, I cannot imagine a relationship holding together. I would say we have been watched over.

After all the hard times, we are now a mere two weeks apart. We have spent over 400 days apart, but we have made it. Susan's love for me and her confidence in our future has been an incredible blessing to both of us. She has never faltered through 14 months of being apart. She has constantly given up so much for me and for our relationship and placed our future in front of everything that mattered to her so we could survive, even when things got really rough. My words here today do not do her justice - she deserves a Medal of Honor for her sacrifice.
The best part of it all is that I love her more than I did a year ago, a month ago or a day ago. I love her for who she is and for who she sees in me. She is the woman of my dreams and (amazingly) she loves me and thinks of me the same way. I want to spend the rest of my life with her more than anything, though I

suppose I can wait until September to officially tie the knot. We will be getting married in September this year, officially beginning our life together, but we have already made it through a lifetime of difficulties as a couple. I have no doubt we will see a purpose in all of this and our relationship and our marriage will be strong because of it.
Happy Valentine's Day, Susan. I wish I was able to be there by your side today, showing you how much I love you. I know it is hard for us to be apart on a day like this, but in two weeks we won't have to think about being apart again. We won't have to miss each other or wonder what it is like to feel a hug or a kiss. You will finally be able to see in my eyes and feel it in my voice how much I mean it when I say I love you. Thank you so much for being there for me these past 14 months. I mean every word I wrote here and more.
As usual, someone else said it better than I did, so I will end with one of Susan and I's favorite songs - it always gives me that wonderful warm feeling inside. (emphasis added because my eyes started getting a little watery about there...)
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream led me to where you aree
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I'm just rolling home
Into my lover's arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.
Susan, I love you so much. Thank you, sweetheart for all that you are and all that you make me. I'll be in your arms in a few more days. Happy Valentine's day.
Ton of Love
Phil